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Fathers Day Quotes - Funny Fathers Day Quotes

Here is a collection of some cute and funny Fathers day quotes. These are perfect Fathers Day quotes. You can use these in cards. Here are some personalised gift ideas for the best Father's Day ever!

He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland

Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then, fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again.

My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, "You're tearing up the grass." "We're not raising grass," Dad would reply. "We're raising boys." ~Harmon Killebrew


One father is more than a hundred Schoolemasters. ~George Herbert, Outlandish Proverbs, 1640


Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby

If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.

Father! - to God himself we cannot give a holier name. ~William Wordsworth


Henry James once defined life as that predicament which precedes death, and certainly nobody owes you a debt of honor or gratitude for getting him into that predicament. But a child does owe his father a debt, if Dad, having gotten him into this peck of trouble, takes off his coat and buckles down to the job of showing his son how best to crash through it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland

When Charles first saw our child Mary, he said all the proper things for a new father. He looked upon the poor little red thing and blurted, "She's more beautiful than the Brooklyn Bridge."

A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. ~Enid Bagnold


Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father! ~Lydia M. Child, Philothea: A Romance, 1836


It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons. ~Johann Schiller


A father carries pictures where his money used to be. ~Author Unknown

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. ~Mark Twain, "Old Times on the Mississippi" Atlantic Monthly, 1874


Dad, you're someone to look up to no matter how tall I've grown. ~Author Unknown


Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes. ~Gloria Naylor


There's something like a line of gold thread running through a man's words when he talks to his daughter, and gradually over the years it gets to be long enough for you to pick up in your hands and weave into a cloth that feels like love itself. ~John Gregory Brown, Decorations in a Ruined Cemetery, 1994


It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't. ~Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams


It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller


Are we not like two volumes of one book? ~Marceline Desbordes-Valmore


The greatest gift I ever had
Came from God; I call him Dad!
~Author Unknown


Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone


Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons


I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich. ~M*A*S*H, Colonel Potter


Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever. ~Author Unknown


There's one sad truth in life I've found
While journeying east and west -
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best.
~Ella Wheeler Wilcox


Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik


Sherman made the terrible discovery that men make about their fathers sooner or later... that the man before him was not an aging father but a boy, a boy much like himself, a boy who grew up and had a child of his own and, as best he could, out of a sense of duty and, perhaps love, adopted a role called Being a Father so that his child would have something mythical and infinitely important: a Protector, who would keep a lid on all the chaotic and catastrophic possibilities of life. ~Tom Wolfe, The Bonfire of the Vanities


Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968