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Funny One Line Quotes

Here is a list of some humorous, funny one-liners and funny short sayings. We hope you get a good laugh from these funny one line quotes, and that you will visit some of the other areas of Bit of Fun

• I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
• Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
• I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
• The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
• We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
• Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
• Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
• If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
• We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
• Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
• War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
• Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
• Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
• Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
• My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
• The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
• Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

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